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Tag: robots (page 2 of 2)

This website was archived on July 20, 2019. It is frozen in time on that date.
Exolymph creator Sonya Mann's active website is Sonya, Supposedly.

Robot Uprising, NBD

Bernie or Hillary meme

The political horse race is stressful to observe, but damn does it produce some good jokes! Picture via @ObeseChess on Twitter; origin lost in the swirling mists of memedom. (Usually true, but in this case the source is actually Obvious Plant.) In not-unrelated news, we’re careening toward a weird techno-plutocratic status quo and it’s pretty entertaining:

Saladin Ahmed on Twitter

Of course, the current status quo is already quite techno-plutocratic… Which is the whole point of this newsletter.

IRL, the future labor situation will be mostly mundane, just like our current setup. Dystopia doesn’t feel like dystopia unless it accelerates especially quickly (knock on wood). Just be grateful that you’re not a protagonist! If you are a protagonist, please get in touch so that I can write about you and piggyback on your eventual fame and fortune. Unless you’re the other kind of protagonist…

Longer dispatch coming tomorrow. I hope you don’t mind when Exolymph is on the short side.

One Step Closer To Killer Roombas

Alice Maz discovered Knightscope’s “autonomous data machines”, aka crimebots. Not robots that knock over liquor stores, but robots that prevent crime. (Theoretically? I guess we’ll find out!) On their website, Knightscope enthuses, “Imagine no longer. The future is here today. It’s affordable, friendly, intelligent and best of all, it’s available NOW!” Anyway, Alice thought the crimebot was cute:

crimebots

crimebots

crimebots

But hey, no worries — they’re not weaponized! According to Knightscope’s FAQ: “The K5 is a friendly community tool used exclusively to deliver relevant and real-time information to the appropriate authorities, not to enforce the law. It is an additional set of intelligent eyes and ears used to help security and law enforcement professionals do their jobs more effectively.”

In news that’s totally unrelated, I’m sure, @SwiftOnSecurity tweeted about humanity’s inevitable demise:

“We fear intelligent machines because humanity fears being judged. It is the fear we have no birthright claim to the throne of this world. If the machines should vote us unfit for hegemony, there exists nothing in this empty galaxy to break the tie. We’re down here alone. But really, what has scifi ever been other than a looking glass on our own insecurities in an age of lots of science, and plenty of fiction.”

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After Androids; Before AI

Trigger warning for sexual aggression. This ain’t a family newsletter! No need to worry, though — it’s not pornographic either.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he yells to her. The sound bounces off her convex cheek. Blue-white silicon curve, so close to human. Her mechanical nature is both concealed and revealed. If the shape of her body weren’t defined by consumer testing, it would be a poem.

The robot rotates her head on her stacked neck, gazing at him. Her name is Eliza. The vertebrae are silent as she twists. “I was not,” she says in her careful voice, meaning that she wasn’t laughing at him. It’s not a response to his anger — her voice is always cautious and modulated.

“What, you don’t have humor programmed into you?”

“No,” she tells him. Her feet push against the velvet floor, toes digging into the fibers. Mimicking human stress gestures will trigger him to be more sympathetic. She was endowed with this coping mechanism because it helps preserve the tech. Courtesan bots are frequently harmed, and that’s expensive because of their robust warranties.

He shakes his head. “I thought they’d want that. For you to be funny.”

“They do,” she says, smiling at him. “I’m just low-tech.”

He leaves his drink on the piano — the instrument is retained as an affected anachronism — and walks toward her. He grabs Eliza by the hips and jerks her pelvis against his own.

The robot is not thinking about her own agency. I have to scoff at you: she doesn’t think. She’s a machine. In fact, we only use a pronoun because we lack the capacity to conceive of her correctly — as a series of binary commands housed in metal. The man could decapitate her, sawing through silicon skin and metal bones and then letting her head drop into a bucket. It would not be an injustice, except for the financial burden on the corporation.

Therapists use up a lot of these models.

Don’t Give My Yellow Boxes To The Robot

Neon robot via Torley Olmstead.

Neon robot via Torley Olmstead.

Good morning. Or is it morning? The global network is gummed up by time zones — maybe we should sync our cycles. I’ll won’t sleep until 3am; you rise with the grey dawn. As long as there still is a dawn. Pundits keep harping on about how climate change will impact the shorelines, but will it stretch or shrink the length of a day? I don’t know science, but this seems entirely possible. Besides, time is a construct. (Allow me to re-emphasize that I don’t know science.)

The human body is inadequate. Our biology is wedded to light levels that don’t matter anymore. Light levels should be the concern of solar panels, not self-actualized persons. Or, y’know, regular old self-loathing persons:

Robotic hair transplants via Jesse Montgomery on Twitter: “the least reassuring sign in Nashville”.

Robotic hair transplants via Jesse Montgomery on Twitter: “the least reassuring sign in Nashville”.

I visited WeGrowHair.com and learned, “Not just another hair loss gimmick, PAI Medical Group of Nashville is all about the full-service approach, offering proven hair loss treatments with guaranteed results. Our committed and specialized hair restoration surgeons attract valued patients from all over the world, making PAI one of the most reputable and in-demand hair transplant practices in the country.”

If you hate yourself, you can pay a lot of money to augment an aspect of your physical self that hardly matters. Or just wait for the inevitable mutation…

Kafka joke by Dan Abromowitz, also on Twitter.

Kafka joke by Dan Abromowitz, also on Twitter.

Remember, don’t give my yellow boxes to the robot. The robot doesn’t deserve my yellow boxes.

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